


limitless

by nakamotosbff



Series: one shots [2]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: A bit vague, Existential Crisis, Fluff and Angst, Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung-centric, LOTS of Questions, M/M, i just wanted to rant, i think???, kinda dark now that im rereading it, limits, yuta is only mentioned at the end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-25
Updated: 2019-02-25
Packaged: 2019-11-05 06:24:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17913500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nakamotosbff/pseuds/nakamotosbff
Summary: doyoung didn't like limits (but when it came to yuta, everything was different).





	limitless

**Author's Note:**

> like i said in the tags like 3/4 of this is a personal rant under the guise of emotional kpop support boys with their own support boys so. also written at 2 am so ignore typos or weird formulation stuff.

If there was one thing Doyoung had to say he utterly and truly hated, it was the word  _limit._ Great phrases were often attached to the word, but to Doyoung it only had an awful and dark meaning.

The limit meant the  _end,_ it was probably just used because it sounded prettier. The end was never pretty when the word limit was used for it, though. It meant that there was no going further. The end. Doyoung didn't like limits.

Every person had limits. Personal limits, set boundaries, physical limits. Doyoung hated all of them. Everything and anything seemed to have a limit.

You could break world records, and personal records, time and time again. But, as was usual with often physical things, at some point you would reach your limit. There would be no going further. No jumping higher, or running faster. No singing higher, or getting higher grades, or learning more. At some point in time, it would be over, and not one single person was able to fully decide for themselves when that would be.

Either you yourself wouldn't be able to do any better than your best, or someone else would simply be better at doing their best. But what if the best still didn't feel like enough? Would it ever be enough? What if, while you're already doing all you can, you try to push your limits more and more and end up breaking down yourself in the process? What if, in the end, it's just not _enough_ , and someone else beats you? Someone whose best is just that little bit better than yours, someone who's able to push their limits just that little bit further? Someone faster, smarter, stronger,  _better?_

What if you feel like you've finally done a good enough job, and it  _isn't?_ Going (too far?) past physical limits was dangerous. What if, at one point, your mind collapsed under the pressure of always having to perform better than anyone and everyone else? What if it started to affect your body, and ultimately your performance?

Doyoung didn't like being mediocre, and he had always fought as hard as he could to be just that little bit better than that. But if everyone else was doing that as well, than what was even still considered mediocre? Was there a limit for that? Would anything he did ever be  _enough?_

His mind was still young and his body still flexible. He would grow more mature and more wise with experience, only. But more often than not,  _growth_ came with age. How much longer until he would stop growing? How much longer until his body and mind gave out and everything he'd done leading up to that moment would be useless? Was everything he'd done useless? Was, in that sense, trying so hard for everything even useful in the first place? Was he even of any worth?

What was it, that made life worth living? What was it, that everyone just wouldn't (and couldn't seem to) stop living for, stop  _fighting_ for? 

And that wasn't nearly all. 

How big was the universe? Was it really as endless as everyone said? Could it possibly be round, and just tricking everyone on earth? Would there ever truly come an end to it? 

People wanted to explore it, know everything about it, but how far would they be able to come when even big parts of their own, comparatively  _tiny_ planet hadn't been discovered yet? When would they know enough? When would they know everything there was to know? When would they know  _enough?_ Was it possible to know everything? Physically, Doyoung knew it wasn't. But would there ever be a limit in how much information computers and machines would be able to have access to or remember?

Would humans ever be satisfied?

Since humans themselves were hardly able to go to space, the sent space shuttles and satellites to take pictures and gather information for them. But what would happen to those? Their batteries wouldn't last forever. What would happen if this solar system had been fully explored? The universe was deemed endless. Even if it were possible to reach further, the people who sent it off wouldn't live to be able to see the results.

Useless?

People wanted to leave the earth. Either by dying ( _limits, too far, too much, breaking down. illness? self-hate, often enough to be concerning. sadness or plain emptiness_ ), or literally leaving the planet. But where to?

The earth they lived on was, according to activists and so-called tree huggers, reaching its limits. But when? When would overpopulation start being a general fact instead of just for cities with too high density? 

Resources were running out, but the human race kept consuming. More and more, every single day. Until a limit would, inevitably, be reached. But when would it be too much? What would happen to the human race if food really did run out? If the ocean level rose far enough to flood land and bring great amounts of people and animals in danger? What if, with all the mining and careless exploitation and deforestation that had happened and was still happening, earth would hit its limits? 

What if everything would never be enough? Even emotions had limits, as abstract and personal as they were. At some point, there would be no more. At some point, you'd run out of tears to cry. But what if the feeling of sadness didn't go away? What if it passed limits and started to tear away at the mind? So many people suffered mental illnesses, and the number only kept growing.

Even happiness. 

It was a great feeling, of course. But what if you felt so happy you felt like you could start floating away at any second? You  _couldn't._ What if you were so happy you felt like your heart could explode at any given moment? It was impossible. Also, it would kill you. What if you were so happy you couldn't even express it properly?

Stumbling, stuttering. Laughing, maybe even crying.  _(Would those tears run out as well?)_ Too much at once. Limits that were impossible to change. Speechless, not knowing what to say. A limited vocabulary, not having the words to properly express yourself and the frustration that came along with it.

 _Limitations_ were a whole different story. Doyoung didn't like limitations either, but he acknowledged that those were often necessary. Not necessarily bad. They meant guidelines, rules, a means to set expectations and rule out the possibility of out of line behavior, in extreme cases even leading to earth-shattering situations led by only few people in high positions. War.

Doyoung didn't like limitations because they set rules. They said what was and what wasn't appropriate. They were made by measly humans much like himself. They hindered him, made his artistic freedom less... free. But other than that, limitations were good. Acceptable. Safe.

 

> Now, Doyoung didn't exactly  _hate_ limits. Much more did he fear them.
> 
>  

Limits scared him. What would be of his future? What if, in the end, he would be unsatisfied as well, until there was no more? How much longer did he have left until his body and mind broke down and withered away, forgotten, in the sea of all the other billions of people who had lived, were living and were to live until the world itself reached its limits? 

 

> Doyoung, however, was a lucky man. 
> 
>  

He was lucky in a way many others weren't, for he had one wonderful safe space. A place where he could feel free, where he could freely feel. Feel like all those limits didn't matter. 

Doyoung's safe space came in the form of another human being. A person who had loved him through all their ups and downs, and a person who would love him through all their trials and doubts. Sometimes, Doyoung felt like he could explode with love, but for some reason, when it was with _him_ , it didn't scare him as much as it usually would.

Yuta understood how Doyoung felt without words, without needing to hear it out loud or needing to see or feel physical proof. Doyoung loved Yuta so much it almost hurt, but Yuta was the exact same. With Yuta, Doyoung felt like all limits disappeared. Because with Yuta, he could allow himself to  _feel_ everything his mind said he was feeling without having to fear for those feelings slipping over and ruining him. 

Of course, the fears stayed. They always would.

But Doyoung felt, and  _knew,_ that encaged in Yuta's warm embrace was the only place in the endless universe he could ever feel truly  **limitless.**

 


End file.
